Releasing Regrets Bonfire

Releasing Regrets Bonfire ~ was created as a healing tool for those of us left behind after the suicide of a friend or family member. It gives us a place to put into writing and release the regrets we have surrounding the loss of the ones' we remember. Here we can leave our regrets in the bonfire, let them go up in smoke, stop carrying them around with us and move forward without regrets any longer. Release your regrets and let the healing begin! If you would like to leave your regrets in the bonfire, click on the email link at the bottom of the page to send your regret submission. (You needn't list surnames if you choose not to.) We will add your submission at our first available moment. You need not be a member of our organization or any of our affiliates to send a submission.




I regret that I did not make Sean get help when he started acting different. I also regret that I did not make him come with us when we picked up my car at the dealers, then maybe he would have had time to think about what he was planning to do and change his mind............Jeanne



Dear Wayne,

I regret that the last time I told you "I love you'..I did not tell you how much. I regret not making the time to take you more of the places I wanted and do all things I wanted to do with you. I regret that I was not in the house to answer your last phone call that morning. I regret that your pain was so intense and I did not know. and that my 'mother's love' for you wasn't strong enough to help you through the crisis. I regret that I let you go, the last time I hugged you...if I had known, could I have held onto you forever? I do not regret your being inmy life for 16 years....and will never regret loving you.

With Love,
Ann Gay
Wayne's Mom
11/2/87 / 11/10/03



I regret that I didn't realize just how short life can be.
I regret that it was you instead of me.
I regret that I was so not there that I could not see.
I regret that I have to do things like this instead of fight with you.
I regret not being able to get you a dinosaur.
I just regret alot today.

Shelley



I regret that the night he committed suicide when I saw him looking sad at the end of the hall I didn't tell him I loved him. I was going to I was going to give him a huge hug and tell him I love him and tell him every thing would be okay...But I didn't...I got distracted. My cousin asked for my help...and it distracted me...Oh Josh I wish you knew...how much I really wanted to...I don't even remeber the last time I told you I loved you...But that night I wish I would have went with my gut and said it and done it....I regret so much not telling you how I feel...I do love you with all my heart....and more...

Jo Jo



My Dear Dear Boy,

I regret not having read between the lines of the story you told methe night of your death concerning the husband and wife and the stranger who asked her if she really knew her husband. I regret not having given you Chinese food the night of your death not that it would have changed anything but at least you would have gotten the last meal of your choice. I am trying so hard to leave alot of my regrets by the wayside and move on - but these two regrets stay with me. I only hope that if there was anything that I did wrong you will forgive me and I guess that should be one of my regrets also - needing to know that you forgive me for anything.
Love you, Momy

Missing you my gentle giant!
Debbie - Alex's Momy
08/03/88 - 04/11/03




My Dearest Butch,

Oh how I regret that we argued the entire evening before you completed suicide. Well in truth we didn't argue... you just let me nag and rant, you never said a word, WHY? Oh how I regret I fell asleep before saying I LOVE YOU. The next morning it was too late. You were the greatest husband and Father. We love and miss you more than words can say. Rest in peace my sweet.

Sissy




Andy

I regret that I never really managed to tell you I love you without putting on a silly voice.
I regret that I didn't come and visit you in Australia and that I didn't get to see you with your little girl.
I regret not being enough, saying enough or doing enough to make you see that we could have got through all this.
I regret being selfish and too preoccupied in my own life to be there for you enough.
Please forgive me!

Your Iccle Sister Fiona




Dear Jason:

I regret I didn't take you down to your in-laws and make you take Chasity out of there. I regret that you thought you had no other choice. I regret you didn't see your potential. I regret I didn't get through to you how great you were. I regret I didn't see this coming. I will always love you and miss you terribly. I will never regret the 20 years I had with you. You were a great son and I miss you.

Love Mom




Dearest Brian,

I regret that I never told you how much joy you brought into my life. I regret that I never told you how much you meant to me. You heard I love you over and over, but I regret that you thought they were just words and I never told you how deep my love for you is. I regret that you will never know your son, Noble and what a wonderful child he is. Finally, I regret that you are no longer a part of my daily life.

Mom




My Dearest James,

Today, I have so many regrets. My heart aches all the time. Maybe, if I admit to God, to myself and other human beings the exact nature of my wrongs, it might help. I regret I lost you, I regret I hurt you, I regret not believing in you and making the wrong choice, I regret I didn’t make your life better, I regret I had such low self-esteem and expectations, I regret not being mature, I regret not being there for you. I am so sorry James. Please forgive me.

Patt Mora




I regret that when I talked to you on Mothers Day I had to say I was almost out of minutes and would have to hang up. I know I said I love you because we always said that at the end of our phone conversations, but I regret so much that I can't remember any other part of the conversation except "I'm almost out of minutes." I didn't know........we were also out of time. Did you know?
I regret that we never had another conversation.
I regret that we didn't go to the zoo or something fun when you suggested it. It was a Sunday, you were 16. You stole a car the next day and spent the next two years in detention. Did you plan that? Would the zoo have changed it? I regret that I can't remember when you and James left to return to Kansas City the day after your brothers wedding. I remember the reception the night before and conversations but I can't remember any detail of the next morning, and that was the last time I ever got to see you and hug you and tell you in person that I love you. I know I did, but I can't remember! I regret most of all that I didn't recognize the vertigo I was experiencing and the constant dizziness. You were planning to jump and maybe I could have talked you out of it if I had realized what I was feeling. I regret so much that you were hurt and I couldn't fix it like I could when you were little. Oh, Andy, I miss you.

Judi Hale




Dear Tracy,

I am so sorry that I did not say I love you the last time I talked to you. I relive that conversation over and over...would it have made a difference...I will never know. I am sorry that I wasn't able to help you. I am sorry that no one understood how deeply you were hurting. I am just so sorry.......and I miss you so much.

Loving you always,
your little sis,
Julie

Tracy Weinshrott-Richards
8/24/75 to 7/20/04
Wisconsin, USA




( My regrets in Prose )

Silent Screams

Don’t be like me

I could not hear
The desperation scream

I could not see
The art cry in agony

I could not understand
Yet dissonance rang

Then -

I did hear
They said he was gone

I did see
Oceans of never ending tears

I did understand
What it feels like to die inside

Now -

I listen
There is nothing left to hear

I look
There is nothing left to see

I hear
His last words

Silence offers me comfort

Don’t be like me

In memory of Thomas Anthony Harverson III
February 19, 1986 – September 23, 2004

By Jessica Coro


My Most Precious Vince;

Your note and what you wrote on the door, said "Mom . . . . I'm sorry", but son I am the one that is so very very sorry for not grasping your true desperation as you gave me that great big bear hug the morning of your suicide. As you walked away, I said "Vince, it feels like you are pulling away from me" - Oh my God had I only known how far! I regret thinking you were with a lady friend the night before and I did not want to intrude into your privacy. I regret not checking in on you earlier in the day and making a pest of myself if need be. I regret not making sure, somehow, that you were honest with your psychiatrist the days before.
I regret being so distracted with "Gramps" sudden death, that I lost focus of you and how fragile you truly are. I regret not learning more about bi polar about dual diagnosis. Now I know, but it is too late.
I regret not getting to "Gramps" sooner that evening; maybe you did not die right away and I could have saved you. I regret being so mad at you when I first found you. I know your spirit was still so close and I regret wasting those precious moments on anger when I could have savored your closeness one more time. Your note asked me not to be angry at you for "giving up" and I regret not honoring that in those first dark hours.
I regret anything I did in your childhood and during your drug rehabs over the last eight years that contributed to your suicide. I regret not having you know that when I said 'I Love You' that I meant it from the very core of my being. I regret not being able to communicate to you how you touched so many lives in such a positive way.
I regret that I failed in the job I most treasured in life, being a Mom. I regret that your little brother is carrying the pain of being the last to see you that afternoon and missing any clues.

You will always be my light, as you were throughout your life - I regret I did not try hard enough to have you believe that no matter what, no matter your struggles - my love is forever.

Your Loving Mom

Vincent Christopher Parr
December 22, 1971 ~ July 19, 2005


Steve,

I regret not knowing how much pain you were in, I should have seen that being your mother, and should have been able to take that pain away! I wish we had talked longer that day you came to me and told me your secret you had kept inside of you all of your life!
I regret not talking with you more that night you were over at our house, the last time I saw you, and tried harder to get you to seek help. I only wish I had known what you were thinking so I could have changed your mind. I regret that you probably died on Fri Aug 5th, and no one knew until early Mon Aug 8th, and that you had to lie there by yourself and no one knew. I regret not telling you every day how much I loved you, and how much you meant to me. I don't think you thought anyone would care that you are not here anymore, but you are SO wrong. Our lives have changed for ever! We will never be the same.

Love, Mom
Kay
Mother of Steven
01/09/78 - 08/08/05


My Dearest Brittany,

I regret so many things. I regret not being a better mom. I regret not telling you I love you every single day. I regret not listening to you when you tried to talk to me and I said I was too busy. I regret calling them to come get you the day you left us forever. I regret not being able to keep you safe. I regret not being able to take away your pain. I am so sorry that your only way to get away from the pain you were feeling was to leave us behind. I am so sorry that you felt we couldn't get through this thing called life together.
I am just sorry. I love and miss you with every breath I take.
Love,
Your mommy forever

Brittany Nicole Kish
11/29/88-4/11/05
Forever 16
~Memorial site~


Dearest Lauren:

I so regret not talking to you the night before you died. You looked so sad and I did nothing. If I had known what you were going to do, I would have held you in my arms and try to make it all better. I just did not know how serious it was. But, it was so hard to read your moods since you were always a moody child. How could I have not know something was seriously wrong? Please forgive me. I love and miss you so much.

Love forever,
Mommy

Lauren Niederer
10/12/87 - 5/5/04








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