Signs From Our Loved One's
"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."
Trina Paulus
I Got A Sign! 
The Solo Goose
Honk, honk, the sound of a distant goose
I heard it as I was walking
What a cry that bird let loose
Trumpet- like was the honking
The sky was gray and no goose near
The sound seemed increasingly loud
All of the sudden, a single goose did appear
He floated out from behind a cloud
The goose hovered in the sky above me
I watched closely, it was totally amazing
A solo goose, no flock, flying free
It wasn't long, my eyes were hazing
Flying above me, honking a few times
As if to say, "look at me, I am here"
I felt your presence so sublime
Revealing to me that you are near
I gave you a confirming smile and nod
Just before you flew out of my sight
With a tear on my cheek I thanked God
You let me know that you are alright
© Brenda Reeves 06-08-04
In Memory of Jay D. Jacobson
~ Hunting in Heaven ~
Written Nov 15th...the evening after Wayne's funeral:
At a time in my life where am struggling to deal with the most overwhelming, gut-wrenching loss and grief, plus trying to stay sane enough to make all the necessary arrangements and decisions while being unfairly concerned about finances and somehow continuing to carry on in my everday life ……I found so much comfort in these stories I want to share with you. Each one happened at a time when someone I love and who loved Wayne was thinking about him and possibly searching for answers to “why”.
My sister told me about her experience which happened while driving home one night after Wayne’s death…she was thinking about him and talking to him….telling all those things you just have to say from your heart at a time like this….and she asked for a sign from him. Within 5 minutes, a shooting star crossed the sky…instead of it fading from view quickly..it lasted and lasted and lasted…and gave my sister the comfort she needed because she knew it was from Wayne.
The day after being notified about Wayne’s death…. My best friend and Wayne’s “Godmother” was driving to a conference in Winston-Salem. She was also thinking and talking to Wayne….and when she looked up…there was a faint reddish dog star beside the sun. It seemed placed just right so she would see when she needed it most…..again giving the comfort she needed because she knew it was from Wayne.
The day of Wayne’s funeral, we were just leaving to travel to Farmville to arrive early enough to allow me to have a few minutes alone with Wayne. After traveling a short distance from the house, my husband saw a rainbow. It took me a second to locate it because there were no rain clouds or any evidence of rain around..and then I saw it. Very faint stretches of color …barely visible in the sky…just bright enough to find if looked. As we drove towards it, the rainbow widened and the colors became more obvious and brilliant. It continued to brighten and stretch higher and wider in the sky for several minutes….enough to give me such a feeling of calm and peace....I actually smiled and felt the wonderful love for Wayne without the grief of the past week accompanying it. I knew it was from Wayne letting me know he was OK. After the funeral, I was telling Wayne’s Dad…only to discover that they had seen it too….almost 60-70 miles away. And upon sharing the story with my Mom, Dad and family…..discovered they had also seen it…even further away. One of my best friends, also saw the rainbow while driving approximately 4 hours from the coast to the funeral. And everyone knew it was from Wayne….sending us a message to guide us through this day.
Arriving home later that night, my neighbor shared her story…..during breakfast that same day, she looked out the window and saw 2 deer..slowly coming from the direction of our yard and walking through their yard into the woods. She was stunned since we have not seen any deer in many, many months and then she immediately realized thought of Wayne and knew it was from him.
This is Jenna’s (Wayne's girlfriend) rainbow story: “
I was on my bed, drifting off to an uncomfortable sleep, when I saw his big smiling face. He had that big cheesy grin that he always had and he looked so happy. I smiled and said, "I miss you." He said, "I miss you, too. I miss all of you." I asked him why he did it and he said, "I just couldn't forgive myself for disappointing everyone again. I hate it when people are disappointed in me." I then said that I loved him and he said he loved me, too. When I said good-bye, he just smiled and kissed me. When I opened my eyes, I could still feel his lips on mine. I just sat there and smiled.”
When I think back on the past few days and the rainbow and the stories shared with me…they were each told at a time where not only was someone else needing comfort but when I was searching for reassurance that I could survive this intense heartbreak of my loss. I’ve come to think of them as Wayne’s “Rainbows” because they are bright and spots of color in this dark, dark week. I also remembered how sensitive Wayne has always been to others feelings and if possible, wanted everyone to be happy…And to remember him in that way I have taken the route of trying to encourage everyone to do just that…especially the children and the teenagers that knew Wayne. Death is a horrible lesson of life but the young tend to remember the events and listen to the gossip and rumors that accompany it…and sensationalize the story rather than remember the person and their spirit. So in honor of my son, my’ baby’, my first-born child… I ask that you please take this into your heart and do just that…remember Wayne’s smiles, his laughter, his jokes and anything else that lifts the burden of grief from your heart..even if it’s only for a second or a minute. Because if you find one second of peace ..you can find another…and then another.. and the healing can begin….and with the healing…. the good memories can survive by just making the effort to remember the good times, to remember his smiles….to remember Wayne’s “Rainbows” that are being shared with you.
©EAGay November 15, 2003
Story of Wayne's Angel Drawing....
On the night of January 10, 2004, I was writing to Wayne and about Wayne in my journal. This was the 2nd anniversary of Wayne’s death. As I was ending my writing, I had a vision of an angel and a very intense need to capture her on paper. I located my drawing pad and began to sketch…very quick and light pencil strokes. As I got her basic image on the paper, the vision in my mind began to change and 2 small angels appeared in front of the larger one. I quickly began to sketch them also…and then they faded and another ‘adult’ angel came to my mind. I drew this one but with heavier, bolder, darker strokes and more detail. As I was completing the face and hair, I realized it was Wayne. The shape of the face and shoulders…and the hair was all Wayne. I put the drawing down and just stared at it…..and as I stared..the word ‘peace’ came to mind and as I wrote in the upper right hand corner, this powerful feeling of peace swept through me and lasted for a few minutes. I then looked at the clock and wrote the date and time completed (which I don’t usually do on my drawings). In my mind, I knew this drawing represented Wayne and at that time, the 2 children we have lost to miscarriage…and they were with a guardian angel. Several nights later, I awoke in the middle of the night and understood the significance of the completion time of the drawing….it was 8:17pm…and Wayne’s estimated time of death was 8:30. I now know that Wayne is indeed in heaven and watching over me…appearing when needed.
My ‘Wayne Angel’ is now engraved on his headstone.
MAGNADOODLE MESSAGE
Ever wonder about the timing of certain events? Sometime in December 2003, I was packing some of Wayne’s things he had left at his Grandparent’s house. Most of toys there were things he outgrew and his cousins would play with them when they would visit. There were too many memories for me to look and remember so I was ‘blindly’ packing it in boxes and containers. Some things caught my attention but I kept moving fast and furiously to get it completed. I was thinking that I could go through everything here in our house when I was able to deal with it.
One of the toys I brought home was his Magnadoodle. He always kept it in the box (he was so good and careful with his toys) so I just packed it in the van and didn't open it until a few days later. I was more than surprised to find a message written on it. To explain...I used to sneak his Magnadoodle out and write a brief message to him on it...in hopes of surprising him next time he played with it. There were actually 2 messages on his Magnadoodle...one from me that simply says, "Wayne, I love you Mom" and a smiley face drawn next to it. Below my words is a message from Wayne.... in his 'young-child' handwriting :) The part that I can read says, "love you too” There is more to his message because there is an "&" following but it's has sadly been erased. At first I was so sad to read it and tried to figure a way to recover the missing part (obviously too much time on a computer when you even entertain the idea of recovering a Magnadoodle message). But then I realized that maybe I was supposed to find it and maybe that moment was the time I needed to see that message.
What are the odds of these messages lasting probably over 5-6 years without being disturbed more than they were? And I discovered the messages on the day I was struggling with leaving behind the last year of his life (2003) and entering a new year (2004) that he is not here to share with me. Needless to say, I put the Magnadoodle away with some of Wayne’s other belongings and this will be one of the few toys that will not be handed-down to Wayne’s little sister. This Magnadoodle has my son's final written "I Love You" words...even thought when he wrote it many years before, I'm sure he had no idea of the impact of discovering his message.
CROSS ON THE HEADSTONE
After Wayne's headstone was put into place, I stopped by the cemetary to take these pictures. It was in the afternoon and the sun was behind the headstone and to the left. Upon getting the pictures developed, I discovered the reflection of the cross in each one. The small white, wooden cross at the foot of Wayne's grave was being reflected in the marble. The location of each reflection is what is so special. See for yourself.....
This shows the full headstone. The left side is for Wayne's Dad. Notice the small white, wooden cross at the base of Wayne's grave...it is the cross that reflects in each picture.
Wayne's side of the headstone. The angel was copied from my 'Wayne Angel' drawing (story told above) The cross is now over Wayne's nickname 'Will'.
Ann, Wayne's Mom
My Signs/Gifts From Randy Pete
I was in bed, about 4 months after I found my son dead. It was in the late morning, my husband was out doing dishes I heard him so I knew he was out there. He took care of me for that first year. I was in bed and I had my back to the door, something I just never do normally, I hate that closed in feeling. Anyway, I was laying there crying and asking God why?, what if?, if only? When all at once, the bed went down on my hubby's side so as I was rolloing over to tell him I was ok, as I often did. I could hear him still in the kitchen doing dishes. The bed went down like some one sat on it. I knew it was Randy. Who else could it have been? That was my 1st, then my second one was also as powerful. I was once again lying down on the bed and all at once, I heard my son's voice say to me "mom i'm here". My doctor asked me later what I thought he meant by that. I said one of two things and I hope it's both things. One he made it to the other side and that he was there with me. I feel Randy touch my knee and my shoulder. The dog even barks at someone yet no one is there. She was barking real bad one day at Randy's drums in my office like some one was at them. The lights have gone off and on and radio too, for know reason at all. The music box did same time every day, for several weeks even.
Ali, Mom To Randy "Pete"
Our Angel, Amy
My baby girl, Amy was called home April 16th of this year. My X-husband has been so down, that it concerns me, but yesterday he called and said to me, I've found Amy. I said, what? He said, I've found Amy. So, immediately, I think oh my god, he'd gone round the bend. I said, what do you mean you found Amy? He said I was up at the casino, and was done playing cards, so I was leaving. I passed the gift shop on the way out, but didn't stop. He left the casino, got in his car and was heading home. He said he just had this feeling like he should go back to the casino. He said, I turned my car around and went back to the casino and into the gift shop there, said he didn't know what he was looking for, but he looked up on a shelf, and there stood an angel about 10" tall, and her wings lit up, with an iridescent glow, which gave her just the softest look. He said, Ruth, I have been in that gift shop a hundred times and never saw this angel before. He asked the guy behind the counter if he had another one that was boxed. The guy said no, I only got one of those and she is it. He was in tears as he told me the story, which of course now I'm in tears, telling you the story. He had been praying to Amy, please show me a sign, let me know your OK, I haven't felt real good lately.
Ruth Cruz, Amy's Mom
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