It’s not a particularly classic chair or even a very pretty one, and it is empty all the time. Whenever we move, I never really know which room to put it in, but once it has found its place, I’ve noticed that it simply stays there. No one moves it, no one suggests putting it away. No one sits in it. It’s just an empty chair.

We have been a military family for many generations, and we are used to having members of the family off in faraway places for what often turns out to be long periods of time. My father would sometimes be gone for up to a year, or even two. His chair was often empty at the table. My husband’s military career took him away for many months at a time, and his chair was often empty. Then, when our daughter was commissioned in the military, we knew her chair would also be empty sometimes. So empty chairs at our house are not an uncommon thing, but this chair—this chair should never have been empty.

As the holidays approach, I am always faced with the task of deciding what to do with our empty chair. Should we put it away for the season? Should we decorate it or should we just ignore it? One year we did decide to put it away, but even though it was an empty chair, it left an even bigger empty space when we moved it to another, less occupied place. How can that be? How can something that is empty leave a bigger empty space when it's gone?!

We've tried to ignore it, but its emptiness is very loud, and it is hard to miss an empty chair in a room filled with people sitting in all the other chairs. And even when we could manage to ignore it, others could not, and they always commented on it. An empty chair is not invisible.

Then, one year, we decided to simply include it in our holiday decorating scheme and that was the cause of some interesting discussions. Should we put a special holiday pillow in it? What about tossing a colorful quilt or afghan over the back? Should we put something in the chair so it wasn't empty? Now that was a novel idea! But nothing we tried could fill the emptiness of that chair. It just sat silent like a sentinel, waiting for something . . . or someone.

It took us many years of living with that empty chair, day in and day out, to finally figure out what to do with it. When we serve our meals, those chairs that would have been occupied by the assigned person (yes, we do assigned seating at our house) can be filled by other family members or guests. You get to use the sterling silver napkin ring with that person's name on it, and if you are lucky, that person has not lost a knife or fork or spoon over the years, so you will have a complete place setting of silverware. You must endure listening to tales about the person whose chair you are occupying.

It makes for some lively conversations and that way, even though you may not be with us for this occasion, your presence is still in our life. That works for our empty chair as well. It is a military custom to always set a place at the table for those who are not with us at this time, but whose lives are still within our hearts. So, we have a place setting, complete with silverware (all 6 pieces), dishes, crystal goblet and napkin ring. Our empty chair is pulled up to the table and a single rose is placed on the plate, a symbol of everlasting love.

We join hands in thanksgiving, completing the circle with the empty chair within our family circle, for even though death may have come, love never goes away. That empty chair now represents all of us who ate not with us for this occasion but who live within our hearts forever. It is not a sad sight, because we know that empty chair represents a love we have known and shared, and with that gift, our family is forever blessed.

So, if your holiday table will have an empty chair this year, remember that it is not truly an empty space. That place is still occupied by the love and joy of the one who sat in it. Don't hide that chair away. You may not wish to bring it to the table as we do, but take time this holiday season to remember the laughter, the joy, the love, the light of those who are no longer within hug's teach, but whose love still fills us with gratitude. Join hands around your table, however small, and say a prayer of thanksgiving . . . for the love you have known and still hold deep within your heart. You are rich beyond measure for having had a chair fulfilled. Don't let death rob you of the heart space that love keeps.

No one has sat in our little empty chair for twenty-five years . . . until this season. The table is still set with a place for all of those who are not with us on this occasion, but the empty chair at our house has been tilled with the tiny spirit of a new life as she found that chair to be, "just the right size, Grandma."

We are a family circle, some chairs filled and others not, broken by death, but mended by love.

© Darcie Sims

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has many meanings for us
Originally it was for thanks in God we Trust
It was a time for remembering why we were here
Our forefathers came for freedom so dear
Each of us would celebrate in our own way
Family and friends all happy that day
The weather outside had no effect
Everything was ready the table was set
This year is different as a place is bare
A loved one is gone who once sat there
Our thoughts of celebration have turned to grief
Thanksgiving is different as we are in disbelief
We think of all the things to be thankful today
But thoughts of our loved who passed away
Comes into our minds like it was yesterday
The table once surrounded by happy faces
Now is filled with memories and empty spaces
Still you bow your head and thank God above
For all things present and blessings of love
In ending your prayer you add one more line
Dear God I hope my loved one is fine
You have not forgotten your loved one that day
Your loved one lives on in God's truth and way

Author: Robert Walters Sr.
I found my Son and Cried, but I wish it was I who died!
Dad of Robbie - Hanging 8/16/1973 - 12/14/2002
~ Memorial Site ~

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength.
Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself.

Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief